They Love You No Matter What, Because We’ve Loved Them No Matter What

I don’t know if there are any appropriate words to go here, or any witty phrases I can conjure up on a Tuesday afternoon – it just is. My mind keeps reminding me of Chloe & Baxter and how much I miss them, I knew when I kissed her goodbye the day we moved that I didn’t think there would be another time but it just came so sudden. I then remember how happy she was to lay outside while we had a garage sale – to only get up to greet each and every person that came each day to pick through our belongings; she would then return to Max’s side and lay back down. Chloe was so loyal and so loving (unless you were Baxter) before we moved she would sleep on the floor in our room so that she could be closest to Max, when she wanted to be by him and couldn’t she would allow her obnoxious bark to take over the stillness of the relaxing air – Chloe was truly something special and I’m glad that I was able to know her, even for a short while.

I miss my little man, but I know he’s happy – I can physically see how happy he is and that makes my heart proud. I’m not going to lie though – I miss the winter snuggle days, the garbage constantly being an object to be rifled through the second I turn my back, I miss the way Baxter would love me – but I know that love will never go away and it is an unending mutual feeling. It’s not that I feel sad, nor bad, anguish, or angst – I feel more love for that little guy now more than ever – same as I think of Chloe in the highest regards now more than ever – although she’s gone, she knows my husband more than I do, my in laws better than anyone, love and affection to an extreme and loyalty that will never waiver for her owners. The day we went to spread Chloe’s ashes at her 4 favorite parks I stood in the silence for a moment and took in everything around me – everything was still…and all of the sudden out of nowhere I hear the leaves rustle, I see the weeds move, and I feel a warm breeze come through on an unusually still day; and I can feel her, I know she’s there with us and watching over us – maintaining her loyalty to her owners; I allow my mind to wander to Baxter only a few times a week, anymore and I’d have a quarter life crisis – at random times I smile and sometimes I cry, but to be able to hand over your baby to a perfectly fit and loving mother was both hard and heart warming. I know he’s happy & I know he’s receiving all the love and treats he deserves, sometimes I feel his spunky spirit with me throughout days that seem to drag on. I know now what selflessness for the better of someone else feels like, and I completely respect my father in law for making the decision he did and my mother in law for pushing him to make it; Chloe is in such an amazing place where she doesn’t hurt or cry, she’s happy and running and looking down on us all the time – and Baxter although very much alive is in a better place than I could have ever given him – he gets tons of love and attention and all the walks one hyperactive dog could ask for…

The next time you think your day sucks or your life’s hard – remember that feeling when you walk in the door and your pet greets you with all the love in the world, no judgement, and no anger.

They love you no matter what because we’ve loved them no matter what.

This is one of the places Chloe is laid…how beautiful and peaceful.

And Max always wondered why Baxter didn’t love him as much as he loved me.The first man to ever truly hold my heart

This is how he would pout ūüôā So resourceful & Cute

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Adolescence In All Its Glory

I think of you when my mind least expects it, it’s at these moments my heart speaks louder than anyone in the room; reminding me who’s really¬†in charge. I can’t help but twinge when your distant memory floats across my mind; because it does more than just that: my arm hairs begin to rise¬†and stand on end,¬†I begin to get goosebumps, my brows furrow into a formation to hopefully forget this feeling¬†sooner than it came, while my nose crinkles in a way to say this is almost a little more painful than I could have imagined. Moreso than any pain that comes across my body in the appearance of an outer form, is the painful strike that hits my heart, like a hammer to a nail trying to mend the pieces back together; striking said nail head on seems to pose its challenges,¬†for this nail is driving itself sideways into my heart; in such a painful manner that its hard to forget.

No its not hard to forget you, you see that’s where the pain comes from: kiss me and smile for me; tell me that¬†you’ll wait¬†for me – hold me like you’ll never let¬†me go. These words sit on an old worn out shelf in my mind that has been collecting dust for a while now – finding cracks and tears in the phrases and sentences that once helped me sleep at night keeping me comfort all the times you were away; hard to remember then, I pray every night before I dream that I can just forget them. Why is it impossible to¬†erase you when I’ve worked so hard at it, why can’t¬†I just feel nothing when your name comes up in conversations?I spend moments each day praying to the universe that it might send you back to me.

For this love story can’t write itself with only one character on such a bold subject of love. Intrigued I find myself to be when reflecting on the challenge it is for us to ignore our feelings for each other – to pretend like we don’t feel it, like ignoring a full moon beneath a cloudless night sky. What would happen if we just let ourselves love? Allowed ourselves exactly what we deserve and gave in to this undying feeling of eternal gratitude for another human being.