They Love You No Matter What, Because We’ve Loved Them No Matter What

I don’t know if there are any appropriate words to go here, or any witty phrases I can conjure up on a Tuesday afternoon – it just is. My mind keeps reminding me of Chloe & Baxter and how much I miss them, I knew when I kissed her goodbye the day we moved that I didn’t think there would be another time but it just came so sudden. I then remember how happy she was to lay outside while we had a garage sale – to only get up to greet each and every person that came each day to pick through our belongings; she would then return to Max’s side and lay back down. Chloe was so loyal and so loving (unless you were Baxter) before we moved she would sleep on the floor in our room so that she could be closest to Max, when she wanted to be by him and couldn’t she would allow her obnoxious bark to take over the stillness of the relaxing air – Chloe was truly something special and I’m glad that I was able to know her, even for a short while.

I miss my little man, but I know he’s happy – I can physically see how happy he is and that makes my heart proud. I’m not going to lie though – I miss the winter snuggle days, the garbage constantly being an object to be rifled through the second I turn my back, I miss the way Baxter would love me – but I know that love will never go away and it is an unending mutual feeling. It’s not that I feel sad, nor bad, anguish, or angst – I feel more love for that little guy now more than ever – same as I think of Chloe in the highest regards now more than ever – although she’s gone, she knows my husband more than I do, my in laws better than anyone, love and affection to an extreme and loyalty that will never waiver for her owners. The day we went to spread Chloe’s ashes at her 4 favorite parks I stood in the silence for a moment and took in everything around me – everything was still…and all of the sudden out of nowhere I hear the leaves rustle, I see the weeds move, and I feel a warm breeze come through on an unusually still day; and I can feel her, I know she’s there with us and watching over us – maintaining her loyalty to her owners; I allow my mind to wander to Baxter only a few times a week, anymore and I’d have a quarter life crisis – at random times I smile and sometimes I cry, but to be able to hand over your baby to a perfectly fit and loving mother was both hard and heart warming. I know he’s happy & I know he’s receiving all the love and treats he deserves, sometimes I feel his spunky spirit with me throughout days that seem to drag on. I know now what selflessness for the better of someone else feels like, and I completely respect my father in law for making the decision he did and my mother in law for pushing him to make it; Chloe is in such an amazing place where she doesn’t hurt or cry, she’s happy and running and looking down on us all the time – and Baxter although very much alive is in a better place than I could have ever given him – he gets tons of love and attention and all the walks one hyperactive dog could ask for…

The next time you think your day sucks or your life’s hard – remember that feeling when you walk in the door and your pet greets you with all the love in the world, no judgement, and no anger.

They love you no matter what because we’ve loved them no matter what.

This is one of the places Chloe is laid…how beautiful and peaceful.

And Max always wondered why Baxter didn’t love him as much as he loved me.The first man to ever truly hold my heart

This is how he would pout 🙂 So resourceful & Cute

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Love Makes You Fat

Everybody wants that warm feeling, that body that molds to their niche, that hand to hold and person to grow old…
What they fail to mention in the textbooks and fairytales is one glaring fact that will defer you from the thing people search for forever. I’ve taken it upon myself to make it known from personal experience that…

Love makes you fat.

Love makes you eat more then you ever thought possible, makes you oblivious becasue you are so consumed by one elated emotion for such an extended period of time you haven’t glanced down to see that bulge growing or your jeans tightening. You go on dates, you drink wine, you laugh and love some more, you feast your mouths on more than your eyes used to – in a sense you don’t let yourself go – you let yourself love. You don’t mean for it to happen its just inevitable – even if you have a sweet workout regimen and thousands of dance dollars invested in get skinny quick promises…

Love makes you fat…but the feeling you get at the end of a long day where you feel hopeless and lost and you turn the key in the familiar lock to the door that holds your home you pour in and fall weak into the arms of the person that helped put those lbs around your midsection realizing they still love you all the same and see nothing but beauty within you. You learn that the extra jiggle is worth it because with a little wiggle it will go as quickly as it came, but the person that helped put it there is here to stay – so enjoy that extra glass of wine and meal in between meals because the love that you’ve found in the world will outlive, out learn, and out grow any body changes that happen during that time – hold tight to it because more often than not it’s important how you deal with the struggles that matter not the bulges that will disappear…

Happy Wiggling.

Nanny Diaries

Many moons ago….

I give you props, using the verb ‘parenting’ with such ease but continually struggle with the definite motions
What’s it like going to sleep at night next to little bodies that call someone else mom by accident all day?
How does it make your heart ache when your baby reaches for me and cries when you hold her?
It must not be too much because I’m still working overtime while being underpaid & underappreciated.
Does it make you feel superior to be so consummate in a work place where people come in and out of your job, but upon returning home do you ever realize where your real feeling of accomplishments should lie?
It astonishes me that you don’t even balk when requesting me to do some of the things I handle in a day
It’s not my responsibility to tell three children their dog they’ve known their whole life is going to die
It’s not my responsibility to watch over 15 pheasants in addition to watching three kids, and when your pheasant hunting retriever eats them all, guess what? That’s not my problem either. Punishing her is almost laughable, but in your convoluted world, it makes perfect sense to punish your dog for doing exactly what you trained her to do.
It’s not my responsibility to know what your child’s social security, room, and pin number is at school
& when I’m called Bridget by the kids teachers, I don’t even bother correcting them anymore because the facts are, they will always be seeing more of me than they will ever see of you.
You call yourself a parent but you don’t know the first thing about parenting.
You ask things of me that you will NEVER be able to deliver yourself.
It’s really going to break your heart in 10 yrs when your children won’t be able to sit in the same room as you because they see the alienation of affection at hand & the relationship will be so broken that even a pallet of super glue couldn’t mend that back together.
You have nothing but wonderful children and I hope one day you will realize that all the wealth in the world didn’t give you that, but it can certainly take it from you.
What you fail to realize is that it’s not even about the title of parenting itself, it’s about the actions that go into parenting, do you know how many first days of …. you’ve missed? How many first words, temper tantrums, and funny quotes you’ve missed out on? You once said to me “well I would like to thank you for taking all the pictures I’ll never get the chance to”, you have the chance, and you just don’t seize it.
Using your useless life as an excuse, devoting your time and energy to everything but your beautiful children. It pains me to leave this situation undone, but the more I stay the more undone I become.
There won’t be a day that goes by when I won’t think of those beautiful little faces laughing, telling me how much they love me, and enjoying the simplicities of life. I think I’ve finally found out what the feeling of being a mother is like. It used to scare me thinking  to myself that I could never do that every day, I don’t know if I could give my children everything they need; through this journey I have lulled those fears, now I know that as Mrs. Mom, I will be a rock star. My only apprehension I have left is this:  I don’t know if I could ever create something more stunning & ideal than these three gems you have created right here. You’d be doing yourself a disservice to not realize and appreciate how lucky you are.