It’s funny because now recounting all the tears shed – lost nights of sleep, refusals of romance and fairytales, scoffs at happy endings, and dirty glances towards anyone judging me in the card aisle on valentines day….
I was in need of you and wanted you before I ever even knew of you. There you were right under my nose (virtually speaking) and who in the hell would know we were compatible anyways all things considered, I needed – longed – and secretly yearned for someone to prove all my dramatics and negative romance antics wrong…but he was never to be found. Anywhere I turned no white horses were coming, everyone I entertained the thought even near to compatible with, wasn’t even close, and anything I had thought was love was completely bereaved in comparison to you.
I cried at happy endings – hell I shed a tear at a few sad ones too, but I never let it show, sometimes I just forced myself to cry to get it all out behind closed doors and to prevail as a bad ass in the public eye with a leather jacket and a nose ring…I was putting on a facade even I couldn’t keep up with. I tried not to smile at life, I purposefully attempted to overlook the simplicities of joy – all in the vein attempt to prove happily ever after jargon to be wrong.
Before I met you – as I’ve always said, before I even knew you – I knew I loved you. Thank you for saving me from myself – we each needed a dose of the other and now I couldn’t even dream of another to share forever with – as we stroll together on this crazy journey fingers interlocked to stay, I smile and lean my head on your shoulder draping my arms in the most loving embrace around you knowing everything is going to be just fine – you will keep me safe, you will protect me and take care of me when I need it most, more than anything you can do – I will be right there to do it for you. To any negative thought and notion that led me to you – I thank myself for choosing to be so stubborn and vile, to forcefully see the world in such an ignorant concept because if I hadn’t – I most certainly wouldn’t have been led to you, and discovered sheer and utter happiness.
I now no longer envy happy endings in movies, avoid the card aisle like Forever 21 at the Mall of America on a Saturday afternoon, or scoff at the mere thought of a perfect ending; I can now open and read through our fairy tale without skipping to the ending, because I know…it’s a forever kind of thing.
I love you