Skip to the ending I’d like to know

It’s funny because now recounting all the tears shed – lost nights of sleep, refusals of romance and fairytales, scoffs at happy endings, and dirty glances towards anyone judging me in the card aisle on valentines day….

I was in need of you and wanted you before I ever even knew of you. There you were right under my nose (virtually speaking) and who in the hell would know we were compatible anyways all things considered, I needed – longed – and secretly yearned for someone to prove all my dramatics and negative romance antics wrong…but he was never to be found. Anywhere I turned no white horses were coming, everyone I entertained the thought even near to compatible with, wasn’t even close, and anything I had thought was love was completely bereaved in comparison to you.

I cried at happy endings – hell I shed a tear at a few sad ones too, but I never let it show, sometimes I just forced myself to cry to get it all out behind closed doors and to prevail as a bad ass in the public eye with a leather jacket and a nose ring…I was putting on a facade even I couldn’t keep up with. I tried not to smile at life, I purposefully attempted to overlook the simplicities of joy – all in the vein attempt to prove happily ever after jargon to be wrong.

Before I met you – as I’ve always said, before I even knew you – I knew I loved you. Thank you for saving me from myself – we each needed a dose of the other and now I couldn’t even dream of another to share forever with – as we stroll together on this crazy journey fingers interlocked to stay, I smile and lean my head on your shoulder draping my arms in the most loving embrace around you knowing everything is going to be just fine – you will keep me safe, you will protect me and take care of me when I need it most, more than anything you can do – I will be right there to do it for you. To any negative thought and notion that led me to you – I thank myself for choosing to be so stubborn and vile, to forcefully see the world in such an ignorant concept because if I hadn’t – I most certainly wouldn’t have been led to you, and discovered sheer and utter happiness.

I now no longer envy happy endings in movies, avoid the card aisle like Forever 21 at the Mall of America on a Saturday afternoon, or scoff at the mere thought of a perfect ending; I can now open and read through our fairy tale without skipping to the ending, because I know…it’s a forever kind of thing.

I love you


Birthday Girl

Do you ever have that constant influence in your life whispering in your ear – sitting on the good angel side of your shoulder – endlessly pushing you harder than you’ve been pushed, accepting your faults, but knowing your strengths sometimes when you can’t see them through the fogged windshield of life…

I have been blessed beyond measure for not only the things I have in my life, but moreso for all the people I have – I have a group of friends that has set an unprecedented bar to which people I’ve met along the journey of life can’t hold a flame to – I used to get discouraged that I wasn’t finding large groups of friends in college, or at new work place settings, but then I came to the full circle realization to the truth of the whole matter…see my friends have such a high standard they set for themselves and the company they keep – that the bar we have in tact for friendship is one that keeps our perception and perspective of who we want in our lives in clear sight.

Auntie Mawri, as we’ve appropriately coined the nickname, has been my saint my savior and my guiding light since we became friends, I can’t tell you when or where our friendship began – but I can’t think of a day I haven’t been glad it did. With the wisest of words and the purest of hearts, you have guided me through a large portion of life’s bumpy roads – you’ve always been a guiding light and a warm hug when I needed one. Having the ability to listen to me not just hear and hurt when I hurt is the most beautiful thing about you – I have held other friends to a standard you have set for my life, I can honestly say over half of them couldn’t obtain it – I’m not upset, I smile knowing you’re not only one of a kind – but the character and integrity of your being is pure gold, and to me that’s worth more than any silver spare change character I’ve found in others that have walked out quicker than they walked in.

Through life’s bends and curves – you’ve taught me when to fight and when to swerve, I can’t thank you enough for your endless presence in my life and the amount of inspiration you bring to the table for me. Watching you board a plane with a one way destination to California was one of the hardest things for all of us…we secretly knew you were going to do bigger things than any of us could have ever imagined…thanks for proving us right. We’ve always said that our unique ability to adapt to any environment has truly kept us all best friends for longer than anyone else would have expected – but for that I’m grateful. Visiting you this past summer I noted on the punctual fact that no matter how many the miles, oceans, bi ways, highways, and divides – there’s never a space great enough, or a place small enough to keep us from each other – our friendship knows no lengths, most strengths, and a love that I haven’t found anywhere else…

On this big day birthday girl I hope your wildest dreams come true – because you deserve that much 10 fold – thank you for giving me the present of your presence everyday of my life. We need more people like you in this world – thanks for making it a wonderful place, Happy Birthday Auntie Mawri….Love – Auntie Mayden.

Merely Thinking

We spent countless endless nights underneath the stars together, stroking each others face while we were lost in our own love story and the kisses that seemed to seal the chapters letting us know that there would come a day we could be together again and write our happy ending. The way you stroke my hair and allow my curly golden spirals to fall through your fingertips has me raptured into a warmth of essence, you literally have me at your fingertips – but in a healthy manner to which I know I have you at mine. We are each other, we are love,  we are whole.

The way my name leaves your lips makes it take on a different weight and suddenly becomes a sweet melody in my head, for the way you call out to me  I can’t help but well up inside with joy, you are the one that says it best. I’ve been missing you for quite some time and I’m slowly acknowledging that my life is the notebook, I’m hoping everyday that the universe will allow a similar happily ever after.

I think of you often, I love of you always. Ever mine, Ever thine, Ever ours.