I’m not sure why I’m hustling to finish this post before the strike of midnight (maybe all good things come at the last minute) but a few days ago (Wednesday to be exact) there is such a thing called “good riddance day” if you’re scratching your head wondering what in the hell I mean – it’s as simple as this. Think of the past year that has now succeeded you – what resolutions did you make?…did you live up to them (it’s ok sport, life goes on) did you feel defeated by them? Or even better did you forget about them? Either way this has nothing to do with it – Good riddance day was established 5 years ago by someone who wanted to embrace the out with the old part of the term “out with the old in with the new” because as creatures of habit we always welcome the new – we embrace it – and we prepare ourselves with planning to make plans (yes that is what a resolution is by my own definition)
I feel as though this person had the right idea – to completely shed your skin of the previous year to be able to make a warm coat with plans of the next – see it’s ok sometimes to plan to make plans…the part that I struggle with is planning to make plans when you haven’t taken off the old jacket with all the plans nicely organized to the front sides and back…you’ve got to live your own life – let your own self go – and learn to live free from expectations – that’s why resolutions are shit (sorry mom). Be realistic – set goals…which are glorified small, short term resolutions – do you want to know what that creates? instant happiness and instant fulfillment of success (because guess what…you manifested your own success and happiness right there kiddo!)
I feel as though “National Day Of Good Riddance” is spot on spectacular to what we actually need and furthermore can see for ourselves within the new year – how many people want to lose 15 lbs this new year but feel the guilt of last year (sit down while you read this part: it’s not going to work out for you until you change your thoughts – you can change your world). It’s healthy to look back reflect, acknowledge, accept, and forgive yourself to move forward – this year (although a few days late, what else would you expect) I will be personally giving the world wide web my list of Good Riddance – for 2011 kicked me in the balls of life and I can’t tell you how elated I am to welcome in 2012 with the ones I love.
For the list of good riddance is as follows [if you don’t like negative, now’s a good time to find the Sunday paper, or readers digest – big print edition (it takes longer to read)]
In 2011, although I can’t sum up the year, I can only highlight the parts that truly tested character, integrity, and strength I thought I had I knew – sometimes was surprised that I didn’t.
1. I completely cut ties with the person I loved most to find out who I was without the influence of another
2. I lost more friends in the year 2011 than any other year – more living than dead
3. I almost lost my brother – thank god for his strength, god and medical miracles, he’s still with us
4. I single handedly (did have help) fought a court case I thought was complete bullshit and went against what everyone was convinced to believe to what the truth actually was – made sure there was an article published and press coverage on said event…he still walked out of jail that day and my heart broke piece by piece – but from that I gained so many more acquaintences and friends touched by his story than I could have ever imagined.
5. Spent a summer draining my savings account to start my own business
6. Buried more friends than I can count on one hand…all younger than me
7. Was unemployed by force
8. Still had bills, no one giving the bills gives a shit if you’re unemployed
9. Let a few people down
10. My parent’s lost their jobs
11. My parent’s discussed separation and better yet divorce.
12. A best friend moved far far away
13. Another best friend distanced herself by choice which is more hurtful than burying the other best friend.
14. I saw a lot of failure
15. I felt defeated often
16. We had 2 medical miracles that could have gone horribly wrong
17. I owe my parents money they will never see
18. I was treated poorly by multiple people I love – and although I still love them – I love me, and for once I’m making that important
19. I experienced the real world – where people get flat tires, have their cars broken into, get shit stolen, have unexpected expenses without the unexpected income…it sucked.
20. A lot more people chose to walk out of my life then chose to stay – it made me feel completely unlovable for quite sometime, and no your stubbornness and shitty attitude didn’t teach me anything positive but exactly what I don’t deserve to go through, nor deserve to be treated like…
So as usual when I force my family at the dinner table to share their pits and peaks – I’ll follow all these pits with the peaks they left me with [yeah they don’t include that in the good riddance day – it’s ok, I’m making it my own]
1. I’m so glad I did – because I found out exactly who I was meant to be and what I was meant to do in this world – I’d spent 7 long years living someone else’s life and someone else’s dream, wherever I fit in on the priority list was good enough – fuck that – I’ll get comfy with the top three spots, because I know I deserve that.
2. The friends that I lost living is by their own choice – they have to live with that, the friends I lost dead – they can’t change that – I only hope they are being the best guardian angels anyone could ask for. As for the living – shame on you – your selfishness has them shaking their heads and me locking my heart – your own loss.
3. I can’t even speak on this accord because it is such an emotional story for me – from finding my brother clinging to his last minutes of life – to see him in a diabetic coma and see my family rally around him, rediscover full health in a new way and completely conquer insulin dependent diabetes after being in a coma people twice his size don’t usually live through – I began to believe in God again, and began to realize what’s important – friends leave, people walk in and out of our lives – what we can control and what we can maintain is more important than others mood swings ‘you are the keeper of your own domain’.
4. I poured over that court case for days on end when no one else was willing to help – I gave everything I had for someone I loved. They have since walked out of my life – but I hope that positive memory is engraved in them forever, I did it for you – I cared enough for you to give my time, talents, and stubbornness to help you feel not so alone…700+ signatures not so alone..
5. My savings account is empty yes, but my business is single handedly started – no one helped me nor showed me the ropes and I’m doing just fine “be your own hero & inspiration – It’s ok to leave it up to you”
6. Although we said goodbye and have since buried them in the ground – their souls live on everyday – there’s not a time frame that goes by where you aren’t discussed or referenced, you keep us safe up there – I can still feel you and I know you’re watching.
7. Unemployment rules – no I didn’t get any unemployment checks but it helped me free up the time I needed to re evaluate the important things in life and the important things to me that I needed to fill my life with.
8. Bills will always be there, same as life, and any stress its how you deal with them and who you become because of them
9. You’ll always let others down weather you know it or not – did you let yourself down? I know I didn’t – that I’m proud of.
10. Sorry Mom & Dad you’ve got degrees though so dust yourselves off and make do with what you’ve got
11. Divorce is awful – seperation is just as bad, I hate when I hear about couples “taking a break” sorry news flash – if you need ‘you time’ to ‘find yourself’ and what you want…I’m not going to wait around for that – if its not with me now – its not with me ever…call me old fashioned I’d like to have someone appreciate for what I bring to the dinner table right here and right now – not just on thanksgiving, christmas, and easter.
12. I miss her – but I still get to see her and as shitty as it was to lose best friends that live minutes away it showed me how important our friendship is – because even though 1500 miles separates us…there’s never a day that goes by where we don’t think or speak to one another…
13. I hope she comes around – i’m not holding my breath she does, I stood my ground and stated my case – it doesn’t change the fact that I love her and care deeply for her – it just changes the hearts perspectives and retrospectives.
14. And with that I learned to appreciate success wherever it was deemed to me in an appropriate amount
15. And when feeling defeated you suddenly can appreciate any demise or amount of success given to you thereafter – that I am the most thankful for this year. It really is about the little things.
16. My family is filled with medical miracles – and I can only hope/know that if something as bizarre and completely unexpected happened to me – my family would be there in a heartbeats time.
17. They’re ok with it
18. Deciding to manifest in my own destiny was the most selfish selfless thing I could do – for many years I was living someone else’s life on someone else’s time line and guess what? The second I allowed myself to feel and be hurt or be happy – I was given that beautiful blessing to experience just that – If I hadn’t let the bad go – I could have never harnessed or appreciated the good.
19. The real world sucks – bills suck, some people suck but again – it’s all about who you become because of it and from it then how you react when it happens to you…there are far more people fighting far more difficult battles than a broken window or a flat tire – find the silver lining…it usually lies in the place you least expect it.
20. Thank you. Plain and simple – without you walking out I would’ve thought you were my friends and comrades all along – and when tragedy struck, man that would’ve been awful to have you by my side. You’re good people – but not to me, you mean well, but not for me – and you do well, but please not with me. I found my own strength, integrity, and courage – the one that it takes to put on your big girl pants and go stare down “scared shitless” in the face and let them know what’s up and who is going to win this thing…
Without the huge dissapointment of people whom I thought loved me, waltzing away, I couldn’t appreciate for a second everything I have and everyone I have right now that cares for me, and isn’t afraid to show it. I’m so thankful to have the blessings of friends, family (an abundance), and people that love me for me, unconditionally – even when I’m a raging bitch it happens more than not. I’ve had the beauty of someone stepping in and up to the unknowing plate of life and love to take a swing and a chance on me – he’s shown me more of myself then I’ve ever thought I knew, I’ve had family come in and express things that have meant the world without them knowing it, and finally unexpected friends that casually skipped in when they had no idea who was skipping out – from there we are shaped and formed into what we know and love, what we want and what we will be. Be yourself – because there’s nobody else quite like you, and it’s OK to be your own hero – sometimes the other ones never show up and you’ll you get sick of waiting. Save yourself.
And in this coming new year – accept the good, bad, and ugly from the past so you can move forward to the future for the better of tomorrow through a better today – be the change you wish to see and never let anyone love you less than you love yourself.
Cheers 2011 – I wouldn’t ‘Like’ you on facebook but I’ll look back for the lessons you’ve taught – 2012 be as gentle as you are sudden upon us, I know this years going to be a good one.