Im tired of it…I can’t take anymore of this nonsense
It’s not nonsense in the fact that it’s silly – but in the sense of this is not happening
How many of these things am I supposed to endure within a year
How many feet of soil is going to bury my memories before it is willed to be enough
I’m tired of picking out black dresses that don’t have to do with cocktail hours or wedding receptions
I’ve never worn more black than in this past year
Its a good thing I kept a few blacks from the past few tragedies for the ‘just in cases’ shame on me for thinking that way
It really wrapped around to bite me…
I’m tired of doing my hair
Hearing the clicking of the perfect sized heels I secretly bought from payless because I’m cheap
And can’t afford funerals the way they are coming more frequent then birthdays this past year
I’m tired of hearing eulogies – I want to see these individuals standing there telling me what they are going to do with their lives
Not what they would have done….before the age of 23.
I’m tired of drinking so I’ll forget
Tired of watching people I love, the ones who are left behind in hurt, anguish, and barely rising from the ashes…
I can’t take any more outfit preparing, tear stained handkerchiefs, and old photo box digging
3 would be ridiculous 6 just isn’t real…
I’m sad, I’m hurting – it’s hard to close my eyes and have to see that smile and hear that laugh all over again
It’s hard to look back even further than before and realize someone my own age has died
It’s hard to realize that at the tender age of 22 we have whipped out more funeral outfits than we ever did prom dresses…
I keep learning the same thing over and over – but that isn’t stopping anyone from dying…why?
It hurts, there’s more holes than wholes – it’s starting to truly leave imprints where there should be staircases
…I’ll remember you in the best of lights forever and for always Jeff – a long time friend and a long time foe [only when it came to shotgun]
I’ve known you since the second grade – I dated your brother – I’ll see you laid to rest tomorrow…from the beginning until the end – thanks for being the light of so many peoples lives, that smile and laughter has instantaneously changed many moods through the years.
I just hope others learn from this as if they haven’t experienced any of the past 6 passings I have…take it with you – allow it to be a cornerstone because right now in this very moment, your 40 hours a week and measly overfined parking tickets don’t mean two shits in the grand scheme of things…this is your life and it’s passing you by: minute by minute….you can’t stop the hands, so what are you going to do….
You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
JMM 4/3/1989 – 8/24/2011 —-gone too young but never forgotten. May your soul find peace while we search for ours here on earth – watch over your wonderful family, I know they need it as well as your love and light…be well, you will be missed and until we meet on the other side whatever that is….see ya like the cool side of the pillow, love you.