I think of you when my mind least expects it, it’s at these moments my heart speaks louder than anyone in the room; reminding me who’s really in charge. I can’t help but twinge when your distant memory floats across my mind; because it does more than just that: my arm hairs begin to rise and stand on end, I begin to get goosebumps, my brows furrow into a formation to hopefully forget this feeling sooner than it came, while my nose crinkles in a way to say this is almost a little more painful than I could have imagined. Moreso than any pain that comes across my body in the appearance of an outer form, is the painful strike that hits my heart, like a hammer to a nail trying to mend the pieces back together; striking said nail head on seems to pose its challenges, for this nail is driving itself sideways into my heart; in such a painful manner that its hard to forget.
No its not hard to forget you, you see that’s where the pain comes from: kiss me and smile for me; tell me that you’ll wait for me – hold me like you’ll never let me go. These words sit on an old worn out shelf in my mind that has been collecting dust for a while now – finding cracks and tears in the phrases and sentences that once helped me sleep at night keeping me comfort all the times you were away; hard to remember then, I pray every night before I dream that I can just forget them. Why is it impossible to erase you when I’ve worked so hard at it, why can’t I just feel nothing when your name comes up in conversations?I spend moments each day praying to the universe that it might send you back to me.
For this love story can’t write itself with only one character on such a bold subject of love. Intrigued I find myself to be when reflecting on the challenge it is for us to ignore our feelings for each other – to pretend like we don’t feel it, like ignoring a full moon beneath a cloudless night sky. What would happen if we just let ourselves love? Allowed ourselves exactly what we deserve and gave in to this undying feeling of eternal gratitude for another human being.