Playing With Half The Deck

Your blessing, happens to also be your curse; you have the ability to lose all sense of reality and priority. You have the ability to love, and you are so loveable that it’s hard not to feel the contagious energy. Most of all you know how to be a comfort, a blanket of love when feeling alone, someone who can sit in silence and just hug the fear, sadness, or hurt out of me. But this blessing of love, has a quick turn around, a sharp left when we thought we were going right, a degree of darkness that makes you really ugly no matter how aesthetically pleasing you are on the outside.

On the surface you think you have it all together, but I can see through you and the tangled, tarzan vine, mess of emotion and feeling that’s going on in there. I know you’re scared, and I know you’re hurt; I know more than anything you push away because you’re scared that someone else might actually love you more than you love yourself.

You let me in, you love me, you care enough to make a degree of effort – but once you feel as though the work has been done – it’s back to the way it used to be. You love the idea of me, but when it comes down to the ‘work’ part – your thoughts are that it should just happen…I hate to break it to you, but like any realtionship in life, they all take work – and there are going to be bad days…it’s who you become of them that makes the ebb and flow of a partnership work. I’ve loved you through many bad times, and bad days – I want someone who will love me on my bad days as well. You give me the come here, go away kind of love – call me in 10 years, let me know how that’s working for you.

You love, and you keep people close, close with your laughter – infectous smile, warmth, and caring eyes; but as soon as you see someone caring too much; marching up to the gates of your heart with a lock pick and a blow torch – you turn cold. You care about you, nothing else, you distract your mind from what you feel to things that you only half heartedly care about. You seemingly forget that you aren’t the only person who may have had a ‘rough day’, that no matter what, although it’s nice when people ask how you are doing…it’d be wonderful to ask in return. It used to be a bigger picture because I couldn’t pinpoint the place of hurt, the place where I should find reason, and the place where emotions can take a plateau, because I didn’t see it then – now being removed many times and back in the game many more times…I see it for what it is – a spades a spade, and you’re only playing with half the deck.

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