We All Wanna Know…How It Ends

Getting to the hospital Friday was everything but conveniant. We show up to the spot where we parked the car (as i’m telling Jody and Alyssa about how my car was towed and the worst feelings is just this) and the car is gone, get a roommate on the phone who so kindly peels back her eyelids for the morning light to guide her as she approaches her car to do us all a favor and get Biss to that hospital.

As Jody and I experience the least of human kindness be handed unto us from a cold person name Brian who happens to be a General Manager of an apartment complex, so for all of you assholes out there; there’s hope for a well paved future, he so kindly sits like a robot while we tell him our situation and how we need to get to the hospital but our car has been towed to a lot that is too far to walk but too close to reasonably pay a cab, he doesn’t care, there is an echo in the room everytime he blinks those beady little eyes and there’s nothing inside of me thats stopping me from jumping across the table to smack that stupid smirk off his face.

I notice a wedding ring, so for all you self righteous women who marry into money and not love; there’s hope for you too. I grip the chair tightly while he listens to Jody and condescendingly makes comments, interrupting her, Jody puts her hand on mine and I feel at ease; I imagine the way Alyssa feels when mom’s there to comfort her in just a few short hours. Upon leaving the room, with about as much help as we had walking in, I couldn’t help but verbally guide this boy to be a better person with the kind words of “I realize you have a stick in your ass, but maybe we could pull it out, put a visitor parking sign on it and stake it into the ground, then we wouldn’t be in this predicament.” I doubt my words had any lasting effect, but it made Jody laugh and me not cringe at the situation as much.

Calling an old friend, whom I know is not a fan from my recent decision making skills, I had to set a lot of pride aside as I’m sure he did as well, asking if he could drive us to the hospital, he kindly informed me “I would do anything for that family, be there in 20”. I admire this man, always have, and I always will, the woman he chooses to marry someday is going to be the luckiest lady this side of the Atlantic. Riding to the hospital I sit silently in the backseat while Jody fills him in on the recent events and Mankatos unwelcoming kindness; my mind unfolds the events that are about to change and impact plenty of lives in the next hour or so. Walking through the hospital during the daytime is a bit different then at night, most patient’s doors are open, nurses are walking around with clipboards and smiles.
Congregating towards Alyssa in the back room where there has just been a service and prayers said for Thanh, she is teary eyed and distraught. Every worst fear she’s ever had, every bad dream, every horrible situation will never equate to the reality she is about to endure. I remember her looking me square in the eye and saying “that’s it, it’s over”. I wasn’t able to grasp the reality of the statement; but here she is holding out hope for the past week, praying for nothing short of a miracle and all within 2 hours time she had accepted her fate and his.

As quickly as it had happened, with a long week in between inception and conclusion, it was over. I don’t remember much about the moment as it was all surreal; I remember holding a trembling body that could barely keep upright, I remember thinking to myself “this isn’t real, these things don’t happen to good people” I recall the words “no, he’s gone”.

People say bodies go into fight or flight mode, I don’t know which my body did but all I could do was hug the hell out of one of the greatest women I’ve ever known while she fell a part. It was at this moment I realized how much I love her, there were no words I could say that would alleviate any pain, with every sobbing cry “no” I hugged more and more tightly. Through petty fights, borrowed sports bras, FL vacations, trips to the cabin, countless rolls of tape, endless late night talks, sleepovers, Mulearning, disney sing a longs, baseball games, borrowed items of clothing, midnight snacking, Rora statements, innumerable hours of home videos, and tears from far too much laughing or far too much hurting – you’ve been there for me to lean on when times are too hard to stand. You have been mine, and thusly I am yours.

Through every uphill battle I’ll be your stepping stones, through every stormy night I’ll provide shelter, and when sleep becomes too much to bear; I’ll snuggle in real close, scratch your back, and tell you a story about a boy and a girl trying to take on the world one kiss at a time…
I Love You Bissa Jules.

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