I remember my focus was always down on my notebooks or the floor, whichever happened to take my interest first, as I walked through the hallways; I always made sure to keep my eyes down and detract any and all attention from me as humanly possible. I was involved in Student Council, and had decent grades throughout junior high; I ran track only because of a mistake long jump in gym class – leading to being persuaded to join for girls long jump. Other than class, and my extra curricular I kept to myself; I didn’t have a ton of friends and that was ok to me, from what I had experienced from the girls in my grade – if that’s how friends treated one another, I was not interested.
I wouldn’t say I was insecure, I would just say I was a girl at the age of 14, that in and of itself can explain everything. I did my best to treat everybody with kindness and respect, as I knew that everyone has something going on behind closed doors. I remember my first real boyfriend, the longevity of our relationship peaking at 2 weeks – monumental, I know. Dane was his name, he was always kind to me, he had piercing eyes and the most recognizable laugh I’ve ever heard; we shared a computer tech class together and ran in the same circle of friends; when I say that I mean the only girls to be nice to me happened to be friends with him as well.
Junior High hallways seemed to be ripped straight from the motion picture mean girls and filled with senseless chatter that would only make a twenty something year old laugh now. Girls that cared more about the tiny label on their jeans than their friends best interests, guys that were discovering how to covertly check out girls for the first time; more of a trial and error sort of exercise. Being forced to get into swimsuits and complete laps in a pool that was hotter than a high humidity summer day, and nastier than the dirtiest male college fridge you’ve ever seen. We were literally subdued to hell and then back, being treated like children but having all these blossoming adult moments – we were a confused bunch.
I never cared much about others around me and their comments towards me or the way I was put down, I cared more about being the best friend I could to the few I had. I cared more about the content of the pages I was absorbing, than the content of other lives, I gave a shit about people instead of caring about meaningless gossip.
Ok Meg, where are you going with this…
Somewhere I promise, it’s not always about the destination, but instead the journey. With this aforementioned boyfriend we had a steady relationship based on locker combinations, our parents dropping us off at school, and the both of us sharing one dreamy hour a day in the same monotonous class. There came a day where actions, words, and meanings towards the situation were different – I was now the target not the desired object. I knew it I could sense it and the way the whispers harshly struck the back of my ears left me wondering the truths to those words and phrases.
Meg it was junior high, calm down. Yeah it was…but think of yourself then from now, quite a different person with quite a different mind. It was a big deal to me then seeing it was the first person of the opposite sex to knowingly pay attention to me.
I remember walking out of my physics class on the third floor, sweltering class it was, and there he was waiting for me – weird considering I didn’t usually see him for another 2 hours. There was this intent attached to his look and the words that stung minutes earlier being whispered from pretty pierced ear to another began to ring true. There were those same girls standing close enough to whisper words and cast looks like they ruled this playground, but when I was acknowledged by him and they scattered, I knew what was to come next.
The boy broke if off that day, sure it was when we were young and stupid, and for his defense we have become friends and none of that matters now – something we can laugh about at such a distant future progression. But the reasoning behind the break was as simple as “well those girls told me too”…those girls being the mean girls in the movie, I have news for you that has rang true for years now. See I don’t need to name you to defame you – you’ll know and recognize the exact shitty characteristics you have and stand for, that in and of itself still isn’t enough to treat you the way you treated me.
L.O. – You’re Regina George, the bad news? You get fat, you don’t get the guy and you wallow in your own shit of self-pity that you’ve circumstantially created for yourself. I almost feel bad for the mess you’ve created for yourself to live in. A.R. soon to be A.Y. you’re Gretchen – just like in the movie…sure you’re good to look at, other than that? No one cares what you have to say when you speak, your boy cheats on you, and you constantly settle for second best because you’ve put Regina on such a pedastal….sad that in real life you’re marrying the person you should’ve figured out a very long time ago wasn’t going to cut it – but then again you’re Gretchen Wieners, not quite keen enough to acknowledge and see the situation for what it is…instead what you want it to be. Finally last but not least K.M. you are a spitting image of Karen…not in the sense that you’re extremely stupid pretty, but the underlying statement that you are literally too consumed with other people’s lives that you forget which way your ‘K’ goes. I would usually give you the Lindsay Lohan entitlement considering the two of you are a spitting image, but she turns evil into good-by the end of the movie – you’re more of the real life lohan…a wreck, by your own doing.
I realize these words mean nothing, never have and never will, that’s ok though – I know who I am, and while the three of you ruthlessly made me feel less than in junior high, I almost enjoy reminiscing on the account to which you fell apart after ‘ruling the school’ as a 9th grader. High school hit, so did love handles, eating disorders, and cheating boyfriends – coincidence or just the universe handing back to you what you dole out for years? Well we can leave that debate up to someone who gives a shit. More so than anything I’ve said thus far, I’d really like to just thank you.
Thank you for being so brutal that I will never treat anyone in that manner, because even the words I just stated will never equate to the way you made me feel, thank you for showing me exactly who not to be as a person, and how not to act as an individual. Thank you for showing me that no matter how much you think you know someone – that the most selfish of people have ulterior motives at heart that will ultimately destroy themselves in the end. Mostly thank you for being so cruel that the second I put my foot down in high school and stood up for what I believed in, I never looked back because quite frankly I don’t look that way unless I plan to go there, you on the other hand? I’m sure would love to go there… for those were your glory days.