The happiness of medium

I believe in a warm sort of energy in people…one that lingers around with you for a while even once they are gone. An energy that is so powerful it pulls people together; and let’s others know that they are better off a part. When you find people* with the same energy as you*, we tend to gravitate towards them and realize we are a lot like one another – soon strangers areĀ becoming of your close circle of friends*. I have many acquantences in life: but few people close to me, that’s the way I prefer it. I find myself to have an internal struggle with both closeness and seperation; what’s the happy medium between the two extremes? I am like the habit of redundancy for pushing people away; letting them in but only enough to peek past the chain link; no foot in the door here. If there is or was anybody that ever pushed past that threshold and displayed patience and understanding in trying to get to know a piece of me; they’re in – the walls just went back up, but unlucky for you – you’re now stuck on the inside. Those become the people I trust with my life and all of my skeletons; my core for being and my references for understanding. I don’t let anyone get too close, close enough to hurt me; but then there they are staring in the eyes of everything i’ve feared all because they wan’t to know something about me – I allow them in from the cold in which I’ve kept them, but I lock the door behind them – for they are now bound to the committment they made when asking too many questions: I’m not a quiz, I’m not a multiple choice test, I’m nothing short of an essay – I have a lot of layers, please be delicate, don’t be brash, don’t be hasty or I will set you back out into the cold where I found you and never allow a reenterance.

Treat me with dignity and respect, realize that I’m not a variable to an equation, I am the sum – I’m not interchangeable nor am I replaceable; don’t let the thought linger to treat me as such. Treat me with love and that in which you give will be returned.

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