I have this uncontrollable sentiment to just pack up and voyage. I don’t know where I’d go, I don’t know for what motive; but just the feeling to go and never turn back. The sensation runs into me at the moments I least expect it to, the impression starts in my daydreams beginning to churn out ideas in my head of how I can make this work. I’ve concluded to stay true to myself and go for what I want – if not now, when? -labor my ass off for the next 2 months, save every cent; then at the end of May when my lease is up, put my items in a storage unit and just go.
Climb in the car without a hesitation in my back pocket and drive; I’ll figure it out from there. I picture myself being California bound, stopping in Colorado along the way; as I yearn to appreciate hiking through the mountains in the spring, I’ve only skied down them in the winter months. I see long hauls through states I’ve never had an interest in seeing, knowing I’ll bump into adventure wherever I turn; I gladly accept the challenge of least interest. I envision sunny days with the windows down as I abide by the religion of Mr. Van Morrison on the fm static – the smell of the earth permeating over me; the sunshine rays will bring warmth to my skin and golden flecks of light to my hair as I pass truck stops, slow drivers and more scenery than I’ll know what to do with.
The momentum behind my thoughts is simple: sovereignty. I’m learning to trust that small voice from within; when it tells me to do something – I’m becoming more open to doing it. Opening myself up to the world; I have been flourished with endless opportunities and good graces from people I would have not otherwise met. I am captivating myself while I allow my insides to lead my out; instead of doing what I’m supposed to or what other people want me to do – I’m doing this one for Meg; because something inside of me ignites slowly until there is an uncontrollable amount of joy and good energy welling up from inside of me, telling me everything is going to be ok; and for the first time in my life – as I’m driving down that road – with every mile my instinct has told me to take, I’m now heading towards the individual I’m going to become.
Heartache 2 Heartache.
We stand here solemn & numb, staring at one another wondering where it went wrong
Clueless to the truth, narrow minded to hate, Caught up in a whirlwind of disbelief
It shouldn’t be you lying there,
It wasn’t your time to us, too soon
You were too wonderful to leave this world in such a gruesome manner
We heard the news & it didn’t seem real. Calling one another to confirm details and hearsay
you had so much zeal for life
you had an abundance of a journey left
You were a beautiful, wise, smile- wearing- soul
Leaving more memories and imprints than you will ever know about
contributing to livelihoods, past, presents, and futures
sharing laughter instead of hate
giving presents of promises
being true to you
and you, yes you, were an amazing man.
Now watching over us, while the healing takes place; know that there won’t be a day that goes by where we aren’t thinking of you & the wonderful blessings you brought to each of our lives.
Until we meet again Ricky Jaros.